Tell Us your Story


 February 6, 2011 is a day that I will never forget.  A day that haunts me daily as I struggle with the insurmountable anguish and heartbreak of being “disconnected” from my children at the hands of the Church Of Scientology. My children, the very essence of my being were forced to choose between remaining in contact with me after my resignation from Scientology, or their eternity and good standing in the church.

I could have never imagined that the belief system I once valued, would actively recruit my minor children to work on staff and induct my son into the Sea Organization,  (a dedicated group within Scientology in which one signs a one billion year contract to serve Scientology for this lifetime and future lifetimes as well) against my wishes, restrict my contact with them and force my son to sign a three million dollar gag contract, silencing him from speaking out about his time within the Sea Organization, before he could effectively route out. Unfortunately, this is my reality.

If I had known in 1976 when I joined Scientology at the age of thirteen as Lori Moore. That if I chose to leave one day, that I would lose my children, my family and friends that remained in Scientology; I would have never participated in such a cruel organization.

When I first joined I liked Scientology. I felt it enhanced my communication skills and improved my life. After two years at age fifteen, I signed a five year contract with the Church of Scientology Stevens Creek Mission, as an employee on a part time basis.

At the age of sixteen, I was actively recruited to join the SO myself. I had a sick feeling at the pit of my stomach. Something didn’t feel right and my instincts told me to say no.

In 1982, my fourth year on staff, I witnessed many odd things. I was being instructed to help the full time staff wash their cars and donate money to them. It seemed so crazy and I wanted to get out of there. I stayed one more year finishing my contract with the church and went to college for six years. I struggled in college due to the fact that I did not receive a full high school education, but I persisted and received my BA.

While being away at college kept me away from actively participating in Scientology courses, in 1987 I returned as a public parishioner, positive that I did not want to be on staff. In the years that followed, I married a fellow Scientologist thus becoming Lori Leake and we had two children, Jessica and Jeremy.

Bearing children while in the Sea Organization is forbidden. However during my pregnancy with Jessica, I  was approached once again to join the SO. I told the recruiter that my then husband Jim Leake, was not qualified for the SO and the recruiter said that joining the SO was for the greatest good and not to worry about my husband. I looked at her with disgust and thought to myself, you can take your greatest good crap and shove it!!

In 1995, my children were two and four and a half years old and I became the preschool director of a Scientology school.


I remember an instance where I saw the owner of the school crying.  I approached her and asked her why she was crying.  I’ll never forget her response, “My daughter is joining the Sea Organization and there is nothing I can do to stop it!” I thought to myself, Wow,  that is strange! Why would she be unable to  stop her fifteen year old daughter from signing a billion year contract with the Sea Org?

I went home that day and shared the incident with my then husband, Jessica and Jeremy’s father. I told him that I would never approve of or allow our children to join the Sea Org. I thought it was nuts and had heard horror stories of parents never seeing their children again.

Here are Jeremy 3 and Jessica 6 at the Scientology school I worked at.

Our opinions on this matter differed. His step son from his first marriage, Chris Leake, had joined the Sea Org at the age of twelve or thirteen and went “Over the Rainbow.”  This meant that he had gone to a place within Scientology with an extremely high level of security (a secret place) and his mother was not even aware of his location. I couldn’t imagine how his mother felt. Incidentally, Chris ended up marrying LRH’s granddaughter  Rhoanne.

We divorced in 2002, shortly thereafter. I removed my children from the Scientology school and placed them in public school. As a single mother I could no longer afford the steep prices of the private Scientology school. After growing up in a Scientology school, Jessica and Jeremy had to transition to the different setting, but adjusted rather well after a few months.

In 2005, my parental rights began to be violated. Jessica was fifteen and in her second semester of her sophomore year of high school. She was excelling in school, receiving all A’s and B’s, had many friends and was looking forward to college.

However, after reviewing a staff recruiting film and speaking with recruiters at the Los Gatos Organization of the Church of Scientology, without my knowledge or permission, she came home repeating the alarming information that the film had suggested.



Essentially, it was a film demonizing psychiatry and implied that public schools had a larger influence of psychiatric and street drugs. Cheap propaganda that public schools and the environment it provided was an unsafe place for her. After reviewing this film, she expressed that she wanted to drop out of school and obtain her GED,  in addition to joining staff at the Church Of Scientology. My fifteen year old daughter, a MINOR was being recruited to join staff! To put her education aside and work for the “church.”  I was shocked by her sudden change of behavior.  I told her absolutely not! I told her that once she turned eighteen she could make that decision but I preferred she go to college first.

Here is a comm I sent to the several Orgs, informing them my son was a minor and was not authorized to join staff.

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The next nine months were a living hell. I was adamantly against Jessica joining staff, a feeling that was relayed to the church. While attending counseling within the church myself, I was pulled from what I was working on and put into “interrogation” counseling. The Church demanded to know “who” did not agree with Jessica joining staff, even after I told them repeatedly that I was the only one who did not want her to join staff.

 In Scientology they believe strongly that there is a Suppressive Person behind this. When the “church” couldn’t find their “who” they put me in extensive Chaplain meetings with the Chaplain, my daughter, her father and myself. This went on for a couple more months. After all the pressure I had from Scientology and her father, I finally gave in. We agreed that Jessica would go to a Scientology school and get her high school diploma before joining staff.

Jeremy 11 and Jessica 14, when they were in public school. We were going to my sister’s (Aunty Jenn‘s) wedding.

Surprisingly, Jessica got her non accredited diploma when she was sixteen. I was still trying to persuade her to not join staff, but she did so against my wishes. She signed a five year contract and was told if she breaks her contract she will have a debt (called a free loader debt)  for staff training and other”services”  received while on staff.

Scientology told Jessica that she would have to pay off her debt before she was allowed to do any more Scientology services. I reminded Jessica that this would be her debt if she left.  She said “I’m not going to leave.”

It was during this time I married a wonderful man on March 4, 2006. He is the love of my life and I was now Lori Hodgson. I met him outside of Scientology. He was not a Scientologist, but took a couple classes. After observing what I was going through with the Church and my children, he made the decision to no longer affiliate himself with Scientology.

After Jessica was on staff for a couple months, she was sent to Florida for training. She was there three months battling homesickness before deciding it was not for her and came home. She then worked back at the Los Gatos Organization for a couple more months but came to the determination that she didn’t want to be on staff anymore. She had to have special “interrogating  counseling” and do specific “conditions” before she left. When she left staff she had a $13,000 debt. Mainly from the counseling she was ordered to get because she wanted to leave.

 It was completely asinine.  On top of her  $13,000 debt  (at sixteen years old)  she had to do amends.

This meant working 100 plus hours to get back in “good standing” with the “Church”. A couple weeks went by and the Los Gatos Org told Jessica that they have a “Minor Rates Special.”  This was that if Jessica could pay off her debt in full in 3 days, they would knock her debt down to $6,000.

It was rumored that fellow Scientologist were helping Jessica find someone to loan her the money. My Mom ended up loaning Jessica the money. Meanwhile, the Scientologist that assisted her most likely received a commission on Jessica’s debt.

In 2007, Jessica was seventeen, working at a preschool and taking junior college classes in the evening. Jeremy was fourteen and beginning his freshman year in public high school and actively trying out for the football team. After a month in school he told me that he didn’t like public school anymore and wanted to attend the Scientology school his sister attended. This conversation was eerily similar to the one I had with Jessica not long ago. I was beginning to suspect an entirely new nightmare was about to begin.

In November 2008, I went to the hospital for a knee replacement surgery. It was an extremely complicated surgery entailing four long days in the hospital. One week later on a Friday night, while I was in recovery, my son Jeremy, at fifteen years old, attended a Sea Org recruiting event behind my back. That following Sunday he came over to visit me and tells me he wants to join the Sea Org. That didn’t go over very well.

At this time, I was in excruciating pain from my surgery and on high levels of pain medication and I was not functioning properly. Jeremy told me that joining the Sea Org was his sole purpose in his life and he is aware that it is a billion year contract. Scientologists believe one lives many life times, coming back with a new body and continuing their contract to the organization and the Church.

I always thought that was totally crazy! Jeremy said that he needed to leave in a couple days. I was hysterical, distraught and felt that I was truly on the verge of losing it. The pain and high dosages of Percocet (a strong narcotic pain pill) didn’t help my state. I told him absolutely NOT!  My daughter heard us and came to see what was wrong. She saw how upset I was and told me there was nothing she could do. That she was already in an upsetting situation with Scientology and she couldn’t get in the middle of it.

I told Jeremy in no uncertain terms that he was not to join the Sea Org. He was a MINOR, a fifteen year old boy without the life experience to make such a profound decision. Later that evening, Jeremy came back and continued to ask permission to join. Every part of me ached, reeled and screamed from the mental and physical pain. Seeing me in such distress, my husband tried to diffuse the situation by asking Jeremy to leave and respect the decision as his mother.

Upon Jeremy’s refusal, my husband contacted Pat Wehner who was  the ethics officer and Mission holder where I took services. Pat told us there was nothing he could do, I had heard that before. In the following days I was harassed by recruiters trying to persuade me to allow my son to join the Sea Org.

Once again, I contacted Pat in order to help me write up reports to Mark Warlick, the man in charge of Internal Scientology Legal Affairs. My reports stated that as Jeremy Leake’s mother, I was not allowing him to join the Sea Org and I wanted all recruiting to stop until he was eighteen. The church had their agenda, they wanted my son.

Because of all the stress I was not physically healing properly. While at home, recruiters arrived and stood outside my living room window insisting that they talk to me. I told them to leave, I couldn’t talk and I had to leave for physical therapy. The interaction really startled me, I couldn’t stop shaking. My father arrived to take me to physical therapy just as the recruiters left barely missing each other.

After physical therapy, my dad brought me home and put me to bed and left. Within minutes, the recruiters were back, pounding on my door for at least fifteen minutes. I was frantic and frightened.  I tried to call my mom but she was unavailable so I left a message and the recruiters pounding on my door was recorded. I then called Pat Wehner and he verbally tried to calm me down.

Although he lived right down the street, he did not come over to assist me. Seeing that the harassment and constant recruiting was harming my recovery, my life-long friend Mari met with the two main recruiters, Gerald and Alexis at a Starbucks. Mari took time out of her busy day to get them to understand my physical condition and state of mind. She got my drug list and details of my surgery which included the information of my leg, basically as the equivalent of being amputated and put back together.

The recruiters told her that they heard I was watching TV and that if I was able to watch TV then I was able to handle a recruiting cycle of my son.

After the Mission Holder, Pat Wehner, failed to assist my mother and I in our pleas to stop this insanity, my mother called Mari and met up with her to seek guidance in the situation. Mari is a smart person, she figured out how to best protect me in my condition and helped me secure a doctor’s note which she then promptly delivered to Mark Warlick, the legal officer for the Los Gatos org.


This is Mark Warlick who does spying on parishioners.

Mark Warlick


Later, after the note had been delivered Mari went to meet with the recruiters who have been pounding on my door.  She wanted to tell them that she orchestrated the contact with my doctor and obtained the note to have this situation corrected once and for all. Before she was able to tell them what had occurred, she was told that whoever got the physicians note is a suppressive person!

The recruiting did not cease or even slow down. In fact, they went to my parents home twice late at night with Jeremy to get my Mom to “handle” me and get me to allow Jeremy to join the Sea Org. They also showed up with my son at my Mother’s place of employment to talk to her again

My health was not improving, in fact it was deteriorating and I was rushed back to the emergency room where I remained for ten hours. I had an ovarian cyst rupture and was diagnosed with pneumonia in addition to my knee which was not healing from replacement surgery. A rupture of an ovarian cyst if not treated immediately can lead to death and I was admitted for three days. During this time, the recruiting did ease slightly and Jeremy and I were growing even closer. He told me he had changed his mind and no longer wanted to joining the Sea Org.

Hearing those words filled me with such an immense amount of hope and joy! Although, that joy was short lived. Unbeknownst to me, recruiting was continuing behind my back despite the many reports I had written to Mark Warlick insisting the recruiting stop. Jeremy came back to tell me that he did want to join the Sea Org and they promised him that he would continue his schooling, obtain his driver’s license and his orthodontic treatment would progress as scheduled.

They promised him his own computer and trips to play golf,  as well as enticing him with the attractive girls there, knowing how badly Jeremy wanted a girlfriend. They also promised me that I could talk to him anytime I wanted to and he would be able to come home for his birthday and most major holidays. I fought the constant begging and the coercion by the COS and I felt hopeless.

I felt as if the only way to keep my son and to keep in contact with him was to allow him to join. If I refused, he would surely disconnect from me. The recruiting within the organization is crude and filled with false promises and lies. These kids do not know what they are getting into. They are signing billion year contracts without having even lived to adulthood!

On May 4th, Jeremy left for the Sea Org after signing a one billion year contract for the Church Of Scientology. I signed a power of attorney and guardianship to Bob Wright. Bob Wright is Jeremy’s uncle and worked very closely under David Miscavige, the leader of the Church. Because Bob is Jeremy’s uncle, I believed he would look after Jeremy’s best interest and well being while in the Sea Org.

What I didn’t understand fully at the time is that legally Bob was Jeremy’s guardian but many of the decisions made were made by the “Church,” not Bob.


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The next two weeks I was preparing for my second knee surgery, to replace my initial knee replacement that had complications. During this time, Jessica went down to LA with her fiancé.  She and her fiancé were heavily recruited while she was there to join the Sea Org.  Her fiancé wanted to join, but she didn’t. The recruiters coerced her by screaming at her to join. They eventually wore her down and she did join under extreme pressure. They told her it was her only choice.

While in the hospital, on my second day after surgery, Jessica visits and says goodbye to me and joins the Sea Org. She also mentioned that she and Justin (her fiancé) were going to get married in a couple days so they can be together in the SO. I was extremely distraught about not being there for my only daughter’s wedding and losing her to the SO, but she was eighteen and as an adult, had the power to make that decision herself, no matter how against it I was.

She also signed a billion year contract like her brother. Now I had lost both of my kids to this corrupt and cruel, child stealing organization and the wedding is being planned while I’m in the hospital! I couldn’t wrap my mind around a “religion” being so cruel and heartless.



I was so upset that the next day I went into shock. Luckily my Dad was there and  he went to get help as  he didn’t think I was going to make it. He ran down the hallway yelling for help! The medical response team came and pulled me out of the shock. I felt like I almost died but I got a second chance yet I ended up having to get a full blood transfusion. Since I made it, I was going to make some changes in my life.

Little did I know what was on the horizon for me.

On my fifth day post op, I was released to my house that used to have the presence of my two children. I was incredibly grateful that at least I had my wonderful husband, my loyal dog to greet me and my compassionate stepson Peter. I had a very difficult recovery, mainly from the loss of my children being gone and missing them so much!

I remember many heartbreaking nights missing my kids and trying to cope with all the pain. My stepson Peter would bring me ice packs and just be there for me. At this time, my daughter and son were both in the SO and I tried calling for two weeks. The SO would not allow me to speak with them.


Jeremy was almost turning sixteen and Jessica was eighteen. Jeremy’s sixteenth birthday was coming up and the SO promised me that my son could come home for his birthday. Birthdays are very big in my family and we were all going to have a lovely sixteenth birthday party for my son with his family who loves him.

I finally got through after three weeks of crying because I couldn’t reach my son, on top of recovering from my knee with extensive physical therapy. Jeremy told me he could not come home for his birthday, that he was not done with his EPF (Estates project Force, boot camp type training) and the SO would not approve for him to come home. Jeremy seemed really upset when he called but was holding back.

I knew how important coming home for his big day was. The SO monitored his calls and he was not allowed to show any negative emotions, but only positive emotions when in the SO. I was extremely upset and so was all my family.

A month passed and Jessica called announcing to me, “I’m coming home!” She was not allowed to tell me until she had gained authorization from the SO to do so. Another fact I was unaware of at the time. At dinner a couple months later, Jessica told me what really happened. When Jessica was packing to go to the SO a day before she left, the SO said there is a problem with her fiancé going with her to FLAG.

She and Justin had planned to marry once they had both arrived in Florida so that they could remain together while in the SO. Justin had an Ethics situation and was not approved to go with her but needed to go to the Mexico SO to get this handled before he could join her.

Jessica was DEVASTATED about this as she was joining the SO mainly for him so they could be together. The SO promised her that her fiancé would be able to join her soon. After only two days, she could clearly see that her fiancé wasn’t coming soon and so she wanted to leave the SO and come home.

My daughter Jessica Leake and I in happier times.


They were able to talk and Justin decided to leave and go back home too. The SO tried to “handle” Jessica to stay and kept her there for a month against her will, while making her perform menial tasks like wash dishes. She told the people in charge that she reported to daily that she wanted to come home. Jessica is very feisty and was determined to get out of there. After one month of persistence, she was home and I was so happy and relieved to have her back with me.

She told me that the SO in charge yelled at her and would not let her go home until she did her official route out. Then she said, “Oh mom please doesn’t tell anyone I said this, I could get in big trouble!!!” I was beyond furious! That they treated her this way and lied to her about her fiancé joining her, this was all so surreal and shocking to me.

At the seven month mark, I still struggled to recover from my surgery but the emotional trauma from missing my son was not helping.  I was still on pain pills when needed and Advil. In the time that Jeremy was in the SO, I was only able to speak to him five times. My husband would see me crying because they would not let me talk to him and he was infuriated and ready to fly me to Florida to get Jeremy, even though my immense knee pain rendered me unable to do so.

During the minimal times we did talk, I could tell something was wrong and Jeremy told me a couple times that he was in school and doing well. On the contrary, Jeremy had sufficient schooling only a handful of times. A total disregard for the “Power Of Attorney for Care Of Minor Child” that clearly stated he would attend regular schooling.

I didn’t believe he was doing well at all, I guess it’s a mothers intuition!! The Sea Org had also promised me, that Jeremy would continue his orthodontic treatment that he had been in the process of for the past three years and now he was ready for his final stage of treatment, braces.  In actuality, he never got any orthodontic treatment. Another broken promise and the “Power Of Attorney for Medical Care Of Minor” violated.

Jeremy had his drivers permit and needed to continue his hours of driving, another promise the church had ensured me of, yet he never had an opportunity to practice while he was there. Jeremy was in the CMO (Commanders Messenger Organization, a very high ranking section in the SO) and for three months was in the regular EPF and then went to the CMO EPF.

In the seven month time period that he was a member of the Sea Org, he had only a few days off and was paid just $30.00 a week.

Finally, I got a call from Jeremy that he wanted to come home and that he was going to leave the SO. I was so excited I was beside myself. Jeremy said it would be a couple of days.

Jeremy’s Birthday Party


The very thought of having him home for Thanksgiving was overwhelmingly thrilling. A couple days later and he says, “I’m still going through the procedure of routing out and I won’t be there for Thanksgiving.”   I was extremely upset!   I called Jeremy on Thanksgiving three times, very angered because I couldn’t get through.

When I did finally get through, I asked if he was having Thanksgiving dinner to which he replied, “No mom, I am not allowed to be on the SO base and around the SO members.” He was off the base in isolation and under guard. He had to stay away from the members in “good standing.”  I was really pissed now and so was the family!!!



The following week, I called three to four times a day attempting to get my son home. Jeremy was isolated and kept under guard for seven to ten days. Jeremy was only sixteen, held against his will and in isolation for seven to ten days. To a teenager, that must seem like forever. My multiple daily calls went unanswered while he sat in isolation wanting nothing more than to come home. Fortunately, he was finally able to come home!

In leaving the Sea Organization, Jeremy was issued a “free loader” debt of $950.00.

 Until this debt was paid, he could not take any courses or services with the church. He got a job at a motorcycle shop and made payments with the church over a six month time frame, to pay what they claimed he owed them, in order to remain in good standing with the church.

At seventeen, as a minor legally unable to sign, or be bound to a contract, he paid the debt in full. I was ecstatic!! I got to the airport early and sat by the gate with anticipation of seeing my son that I haven’t seen in seven months. As he approached, I was flowing with excitement to see him, we hugged and I cried. Then we went to our favorite place for dinner, Chili’s. I asked Jeremy about his seven months in the SO. He told me,  “I don’t want to talk about it and what is important is that I am home now.”

I kept trying to find out what he did there but he adamantly made it clear he did not want to discuss it. I thought this was very strange. Jeremy and I usually talk about everything  so this was ODD to me. I was full of JOY to finally have both of my kids back home. Slowly, Jeremy opened up to me and said, “Mom, I know you had a really hard time crying and missing me, but I want you to know it was even harder for me.”

I cried many nights wanting to come home and I couldn’t tell you because the SO said I shouldn’t tell you while you’re recovering from your knee replacement.”  He said that being there was really hard on him and that he missed me a lot and was very homesick. I was furious that the church kept this from me.

I got Jeremy back in school and found that he was very behind because he had no schooling when he was in the SO. Per the law, he was required to be in school and he only went approximately three days in the seven months he was in the SO. Another violation that the SO committed. A few months later, Jeremy mentioned that his toe was hurting. I asked him about it and he said, “I had an ingrown toenail and had a toe procedure done in the Sea Org by a doctor and it was very painful.”

I told Jeremy that I should have been told about this being his mom. He seemed upset about this procedure, but he was quite reluctant to divulge any information regarding it.  His toe continued to hurt and when I asked Jeremy if he wanted to go to the doctor he said “NO!!!” This put up another red flag for me as a mom. I had an uneasy feeling about this,  “toe procedure.”


Jeremy & Jessica 2010.  A month before I told them I resigned at the lake.

Six months later, we went to Clear Lake for my Moms 4th July Birthday week. Jeremy was talking to his Grandma, my Mom. My Mom was asking Jeremy about his stay in the SO. Jeremy slipped and said, ” Oh Nonie, I am not allowed to talk about that…


Additionally, he added that if he were to break this contract, he would no longer be able to take any Scientology courses. My mom said, “WHAT!!!!”  That is not legal or binding, you were only sixteen years old.

She asked if he received a copy and he said no. My Mom told me this and we both thought…



I couldn’t fathom any reason why a “church,” would order anyone to sign a contract blackmailing them into silence. What could have taken place that was so damning and horrible that they required a gag contract?

Effective August 30, 2010, my Mother and I resigned from the Church of Scientology. Neither of us could deny that we were obviously a part of a corrupt and manipulating organization and we no longer wanted any part of it. The day we resigned, my Mom and I met my kids at our office to explain to them that we resigned and why. Jessica got very upset, she voiced her concerns that her Grandmother and I would be declared suppressive (a bad person) and if she kept in contact with us, then she would be declared as well.

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Jeremy was more receptive and agreed with a lot of things we were saying. We told them to take a couple days to think about what we said. The next weekend was Labor Day and I was told by a friend that their father said to Jessica and Jeremy that…

“If you don’t disconnect from your Mom, then I will disconnect from you, because no one is going to take my eternity away from me!” 

We were all up at the lake for Labor Day, a big family weekend for us and my daughter was very upset with me for resigning.  My son was a little more understanding.

Jessica’s 20th Bday 2010,  A couple days before we told the kids about resigning.


After my mom and I resigned, Pat Wehner and Maryjoe Hyland came over to our work, to talk to my Mom and try to “handle her.” (Convince her not to resign)  Pat told my mom, “This will be a shock wave across the planet!”  My Mom said clearly, “Lori and I are done.”  They both looked sick about this and left. In the following weeks Mary Joe attempted to try to handle my mom and coerce her to not resign from the COS and to not request a repayment of her unused money on account.

She tried to show her COS policies and tell her the consequences of her leaving and getting her money back that was owed to her. My Mom and I have a lot of integrity and stayed firm on our decision to leave the COS. My Children were very upset with me and they would not listen to why I wanted to leave. I was extremely upset about possibly losing my children and what I had gone through the past five years with my kids.


This HCOB was violated in the situation. However, there was NO PTS situation of any kind!!

HCOB  of 8 March 1983, Handling PTS Situations

 It says perfectly clear… 

“You coach him into two way communication that is well above 2.0 on the Tone Scale, that mostly consists of acks and mild interest in what is going on… in other words, you handle this in real life..”

HCOB 10 September 1983, PTSness and


 In the section ‘Lost Tech’ Ron says; 

“Earlier disconnection as a condition was cancelled.

It had been abused by a few individuals who failed to handle situations which could had been handled and who lazily or criminally disconnected, thereby creating situations even worse than the original, because it was the wrong action.”

He also says;

“When an Ethics Officer finds that a Scientologist is PTS to a family member, he does not recommend that the person disconnect from the antagonistic source.” 

The E/O’s advise to the Scientologist is to handle“


I was not doing well.  I struggled trying to sort out my feelings in addition to figure out for myself if I could salvage what I did find helpful about Scientology initially. I found Marty Rathbun, a former high ranking member of the COS who counsels other ex members to help them with their betrayals from the COS and if they choose to continue their counseling.

I visited him in December 2010. He was in Texas and I had not told anyone of my whereabouts or what I was doing. The COS strongly opposes anyone of their members (or ex-members) to practice Scientology outside The Church. They refer to it as “squirreling.”

After arriving home the following day from my visit with Marty in Texas, I was harassed and threatened by John Allender, an undercover operative for the Church of Scientology. He approached me in the parking lot at my office in an aggressive manner and asked…

“Do you enjoy beatings?”

(John Allender)

Click to View on You Tube

Scientologist John Allender bullying Anonymous protesters


Apparently, he was aware of my whereabouts. This became obvious when he said, “You’ve been doing some squirreling over the weekend.”  I immediately reported this incident to the authorities. It became rather clear to me that I was being followed.  I decided to share my short story on Marty Rathbuns blog, “Moving on up a Little Higher,” and I went public about John Allender’s threats towards me.

My children Jeremy and Jessica were coerced and manipulated by the COS and their father to disconnect from me because I had left the “church”, “squirreled” and went public about John Allender’s threat to me.

At this time, I spoke to Pat Wehner to request a refund on the $11,000 that I had on account with the “church” for future services. My daughter met with my Mother and Myself and told us that if we aksed for our money back, I would become an enemy to her and to the “church.”  I was also told that Pat had already spent my money, that he would have to pay it back out of his own pocket and that I shouldn’t have gone public about the threats made against me by John Allender.

I told her that I wanted my money back, I would not be returning for any services and I had every intention of going public with details about the injustices that the COS has inflicted upon me, my family and my children!

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My children told me that unless I got back in good standing with the COS and take their steps to rectify the situation, they could not be around me. This is the “Church’s  Disconnection Policy”…


Since my mom and I could not be “HANDLED,”  my children were manipulated and forced to disconnect from us as of Feb 6, 2011. My mom and I have not seen Jessica or Jeremy since that date and they both live near us.


Lori was not antagonistic to Scientology, yet the children were labelled PTS Type A, yet the policy was not violated! It was raped!

“HCOPL PTS Type A Handling of 20 October 1981″


In that policy Hubbard NEVER, EVER, mentions the word disconnection.

The handling according to that policy is:

 “Get in comm with the family member until the situation is resolved”



My father, stepmother and brother tried to talk to my children on Easter to get them to look at what the COS was doing to “fair game” me. Fair game is a cruel strategy the COS enacts on those who are blowing the whistle on the “church’s” abuses! Basically “anything goes” to harm us. My kids refused to look at anything critical of their Church. There is a video showing Scientology’s harassment towards me.

My children are no longer allowed to be around any member of the family that is critical of Scientology or anyone that has tried to get my children to see how insane this “church” is. And that disconnecting from family and those who love you most is immoral and wrong! My parents are in their seventies and cannot be a part of their Grandchildren’s lives because of this disconnection policy.

Policy that was cancelled in 1968! They are operating on a cancelled policy!

“Since we can now handle all types of cases disconnection as a condition is cancelled”

Disconnection has been Cancelled!

This was was not included in the altered new Miscavige versions of the Green Volumes!

.My sister is nine months pregnant and Jeremy and Jessica cannot be there to revel in the joy of seeing their new baby cousin and being a part of his life! I was so upset that I felt I needed to go back to Texas to get help from Marty. I was mentally unable to handle the pain from the disconnection and the abuses I received from the “church.”  In April 2011, I went to Marty’s.

On my first day in counseling,  John Allender, the man who had just threatened me in December and Mark Warlick (the man that I asked for help to stop the recruiting of my son) from San Jose followed me across state lines to Texas to try to stop me from meeting with Marty.

They showed up with two other men in heinous light blue t-shirts with Marty’s picture on the front saying, “Squirrel” and cameras taped to their heads with a camera man. They slammed on Marty’s door while I was downstairs having a lunch break. The slamming on the door was similar to how the recruiters slammed on my door when they were recruiting my son.

Click to View on You TubeScientologist John Allender Fair Gaming Marty Rathbun (at his home)


I saw it was John Allender and was terrified. Marty told me to lock my door and stay inside. Then Marty called the Sheriff and we reported the harassment and the stalking of me across state lines (all the way from San Jose, Ca).  I also reported this to the authorities that I am currently working with.

This incident left me clearly shaken and even more determined to stop these abuses from occurring. Three days later, a Squirrel Busters van with the logo on the side drove down the street near Marty’s house and when we saw them and they drove away. Then one morning I saw a man watching me from across the Canal.


Click to Watch  “DAVID MISCAVIGE – LEADER OF SCIENTOLOGY”   A Church?  Spooky!


Upon arriving home, I found sexual liable about me on the internet. It was a “blog” written by a person calling themselves Minerva, pretending to be Marty Rathbun and even uses his name for the website when it isn’t him. In addition to Minerva’s slander, a commenter on the blog uses my name to continue to perpetuate the lies.

This “Dear Diary” article has very personal things probably taken from my confidential counseling folders and put on the internet for the world to see. It is cruel, sick and another fair game tactic Scientology uses on ex-members for leaving and speaking up.

On May 27, 2011 I found a package in my mailbox with no return address which implies that someone physically placed it in my mailbox.  Included were some pamphlets and a letter that read…

 ”It has come to our attention that Marty Rathbun is auditing PCs who are smoking dope.  Perhaps you are not fully aware of the effects drugs can have on an individual. Therefore, I am sending you the  Truth about Drugs booklets, which are very educational on the dangerous effects of drugs.   Minerva.”


 My Mother and I have continued and will always continue to reach out to Jessica and Jeremy until we are reunited once again.  On February 1, 2011 I received this text message from my daughter…

“Ok. Honestly, I don’t feel comfortable going to you and CR’s (my husband) birthday dinner and sitting there acting like nothing is wrong when I am very enturbulated (upset) about what is happening. I do wish you and CR a very happy birthday, but I’m not going to come on Saturday. I will be there for Papa’s on Sunday to wish him a happy birthday and see the family.”


On Easter my mom and I sent Jessica and Jeremy Easter cards with money and they both sent them back to us saying they could not accept them because we are not in good standing with their Church.

This past Mothers day, I invited both of my kids over for a BBQ.  They told me they could not see me. Jeremy turned eighteen in June and I could not share this very special day with my son. I asked him if we could do something fun together for his birthday and I got no response. Another birthday we missed together because of the COS!

In July, my Mom turned seventy two and we had a family celebration at the Lake. My two children always celebrate this fun week at the lake with us. Jessica and Jeremy were across the Lake with my cousin but did not come over to see us. Jeremy sent me another disconnection text.


On July 4, 2011 I received this text message from Jeremy:

“Mom I’m having a very hard time too and I never thought in my right mind that this would happen to us and it is a big bummer. But you know what you and Nonie need to do to put this family back together and that’s that. I really hope you guys fix this and we are all a family again. I miss you very much and hope everything is better soon, but I can’t be around you guys with this going on. You are my mother I will love you and miss you too.”


On July 15, 2011 I received this text from Jeremy:

“Mom…Please just handle this situation. You know what steps you need to do. It’s that easy and if me and sissy aren’t worth doing that then I have nothing else to say. I do love and miss you but I can’t be around you with this going on.”


On May 1, 2011 I received this text from Jessica:

“I did. I even watched that video. I am a Scientologist and I expect that to be respected. I told you before that this would be a complete different story if u just decided not to be a part of the church anymore and went off and did ur own thing. But u are attacking my group. U are being part of a squirrel group. By definition and fact they are squirrels and are trying to put a bad name to my church.

And I don’t see how we can have a comm line when u r attacking my group and committing suppressive acts and by definition in the ethics book u r committing suppressive acts and that is lrh. I really don’t want things to be like this and I’d like to handle it but we can’t have an OK comm line until this stop. Scientology and my friends that are Scientologists have helped me majorly in life.

I believe in it 100% and that won’t change. This has even been a wake up call for me and made me realize how important it really is for me to get up my bridge now.”


Jessica turned twenty one in August and I sent her balloons and a beautiful card to her place of employment and I got no response. I also asked her if we could do something special for her big day and not tell anyone so we could be together, no response. My sister is pregnant and just had a beautiful baby shower which Jessica was invited to, no response.

This was the first summer at the Lake without my kids and it was so very sad for all of us. We all miss them very much and hope soon they come back to their loving family who cares so much for them. In July my son changed his phone number so I can no longer text him. In August my Facebook was broken into or hacked into three times from Texas and twice from Washington. I have pictures of this and reported this to the authorities.

The San Jose Mission (where I used to take classes and where my kids are being coerced to disconnect from us all) just moved 1/2 block away from our office. My ex has my son working construction there, so my son is working a 1/2 block away from me and yet I can’t see him.

I have also been trying to get my money on account (never used for services) back from the San Jose Mission of the COS. Pat Wehner, the Mission Holder of San Jose, will not give me my money back unless I sign a “Claims and Verification” form signing away my rights, and do the steps and “conditions” in Scientology that are required to get my money back.

It states that I can’t go to an outside third party etc… This violates my constitutional rights. John Allender was watching me from his truck when he drove by me at the Pruneyard in Campbell in August 2011. Just yesterday members of my ex husbands family have disconnected from me fearing that staying in contact with me would jeopardize a member of their family, to what extent I do not know. They also feared that further contact with me would most definitely lead to a disconnection from their family.

My children are being told by the “church” that I am crazy and that I am spewing lies about the church.

The Church of Scientology is a dangerous, paranoid and unjust organization. They utilize fair game, which in their opinion means that they can lie, trick and do whatever it takes to utterly destroy me as an open critic of the church. I have been harassed, threatened, stalked and continue to be fair gamed even now.

They also use disconnection as a means of power over their members. Having thoughts that are not favorable towards Scientology will inevitably lead to losing the ones you love through this forced policy.

I did find value in some of my Scientology courses and counseling. After leaving the “church,”  I was unsure of whether or not to continue my belief in Scientology without the interference of the organization.

I sought help and counsel from Marty Rathbun. He is a phenomenal counselor helped me greatly in decompressing from my time and struggles within the COS.  For that, I am truly grateful. After leaving the church, I spent a lot of time researching LRH and the policies of disconnection and fair game, both of which I struggle to deal with daily.

I am no longer a Scientologist in any capacity.

Not a second passes that I don’t miss my children with every fiber of my being. That I don’t ache to hear their voices and make new memories with them. I’m telling my story to shed light on the abuses that continue to go on within the Church of Scientology, to bring my children back where they belong, with their family, with me.


Lori Hodgson


~~~~~~~~~~~~      ~~~~~~~~~~~~




~From Greece with love~

Olga Vernardou

I got into Scn in 1992 in Athens, Greece. There was only one mission at that time in Greece (which eventually became an org). In 1993, I joined the SO in Los Angeles, to work in the translations unit and thus help the mission become an org. Arriving there I was posted in Management TU, FB. We only translated management issues. To translate LRH I was told I had to move up to Gold.

From that moment on, outpoints started to pile up. In my translator’s mini-hat,  I already spotted that the tech we were following was not per LRH.  And, that it didn’t make sense.  Unnecessary steps had been added. I also observed working together with another Greek translator from Gold, that LRH translations were almost impossible to get out as they had to be AVC approved.  AVC had so many rejects to handle on each piece of material that it was absurd.

However,  life was livable until 1996 when an Int Mgmt mission was fired to FB for the implementation of the New Era of Management.

  That   mission   violated   almost   every   policy   I   knew.

The structure of the org changed and almost everyone changed post overnight.  FB became FCB among other things  and even the interior of the HGB building was changed, with walls being taken down and new ones built.  I then felt that the CoS had been taken over. Shortly after that, we got the Golden Age of Tech (GAT another squirrel operation) from Int Mgmt. By that time it was clear to me that Church Management was anti-LRH.

Another interesting thing is that Greek was considered a “small language.”  So during the “drills evolution” (translation of the GAT drills into “major languages”) my junior was moved to the SAG building (Screen Actor’s Guilt on Hollywood Blvd) to help other languages in the evolution. One day with the help of two Russian translators, I loaded my computer into a van going to the  SAG building and moved there myself. When my seniors found out it was too late, the translations mission at SAG kept me there. I got my junior back and we established the Greek translations unit where we could freely do LRH translations for the first time. My husband, who was at ASHO since that time was also moved to SAG by the mission. This was the most fun part in the SO. Doing LRH translations in a sane environment, together with Gold translators.

But let me tell you about another huge outpoint. During this evolution, the unnecessary steps I mentioned in the beginning were REMOVED, as ED Int “found out” they were arbitraries! Well, this was in order to speed up the translation of DM’s squirrel drills. When the evolution was over, the very same arbitraries were put back in! The fun part was then  ended, followed with the confirmation that Int Mgmt would do anything in the direction of stopping LRH translations, in the direction of suppressing expansion of Scn.

I kept writing higher and higher, reaching COB himself in the end. I got an answer from RTC that “there are  other LRH tech in translations”  that I would only find out when moving up to GOLD!!! That left no doubt that Int Mgmt had been infiltrated. David Miscavige was obviously a plant. Besides, the fact that his programs were never standardly written (which could be easily observed ) indicated that he either did not know Scientology or he considered himself senior to LRH.

Shortly after the GAT evolution, we were sent to CLO EU,  together with most of the other management translators since TU did not belong to the new org board.

From there on, we were involved in a “counter-espionage” activity. We were researching for violations. Collecting “juicy” replies to queries, looking for alterations by comparing revised materials to the original etc. We had no idea of what had happened in 1982 and didn’t know there was an independent field outside. We stayed in hopes that we could change things from inside. But that proved impossible.

The right moment for leaving came the day that CO CLO ordered myself and my junior to M9 and starrate a COB program on translations. A squirrel program (of course). Of all the things I had been asked to do in the SO, this was the one that really seemed impossible. So,  I reread the Code of Honor. The choice I had to make was clear. At night, after work, I told my husband and my junior that I had decided to leave. After minor deliberation, all  three of us left that same night taking a cab to Sweden. We eventually arrived to Greece in August 2000.

Being out of the Church, we (my husband and I) first worked as freelance translators and then moved into advertising . We have  two children 8 and 10 years old. I have done graphics design for the past 8 years or so.

I have very few Scientology friends here (there are almost no independents in Greece) but I know a lot of people who are spiritually inclined and my effort has been to enlighten them on the most basic truths. That we are spiritual beings, with no matter, energy, space or form. That we are not really “part” of the material universe but are instead co-creating it through our considerations and participate “in it”  the same way we play a computer game.

I write articles on this like short stories in my blog. I’m also writing a “scifi” book  “Memoirs of a Spirit” with the whole track autobiography of the being relating it.

Now I have said and now you know. Thanks for listening.

~~~~~~   ~~~~~~


So, whats your story?

Do you have a story or event regarding Scientology, the Church, or a person of interest that you would like to share with others?  If so please submit it to  and we will post it here.


18 responses to “Tell Us your Story

  1. Aidita thank you for what you do and for helping so many people. I love you!

  2. Sally Kragh Andersen!DDOyPvx6tXacc/

    Article in a danish newspaper lately. The headline is saying: The miracle-mashine of scientology is only worth 100 ddk. Like 20 bobs. The guy on the picture is a danish lecturer and engineer, Mogens Pelle. He also states, that he could build one for 20 dollar, and that the machinery is something you are learned about in the first semester of an engineer!

    • Sally, there are ***A LOT** of versions of the E-Meter out there at a much cheaper price than the old dated Cof$ meters!
      Also, there are several people who are expert in electronics that are giving service to meters as well.

      My friend Nick Ford developed an emeter with remote solo cans.

      Here is the link to his products. I shall write an article on this very topic for my blog. Thanks for the comment!

  3. Dear,Aida:
    Thankyou for all the hard workyou do in to keeping the tech pure,my name is Eric Alexandrou,and have 2 boys.1986 i joined staff in melbourne,in div 6,my job was a body routing.for about 2 years. i finnished all the lower levels,basics,traning level i finished objectives,mick fay was my auditer and leane fay was my cs,i did my ccrd in sydney australia,im not clear,but i have been appling the tech since 1986,iv had and having fantastic wins.

    Back in 1999 my wife got killed on the way to work,and i could see she was stuck in the body,and i applyed what learned in scieontology to free boys at the time where 6,and 7,so year 2000 i thought of getting back on lines with the org in brisbane,so i can run the inccident out, auditing.i got sec check,i was tould my needle is floating,i thought great,im not a iligal p.c,i took out a $35000,loan and for 2 intencevs,i had to finnish books 2 times all the time,I PAID THE LIFE TIME MEMBERSHIP,$5500.


    I was tould to throw rons book in the bin,and buy the new basics,to this day im upset doing, that,becourse i did not want 2 boys are 18 ,and 20 years old now,and i feel that they missed so much of the tech which they both need to survive in this wourld.

    I still have hope one day things will be good again,like they were ,in that the way RON LEFT IT TO BE,NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRIED I HAVE NO AFFINITY FOR MISCAVGE,NEVER DID NEVER,WILL,THANKYOU A.R.C

  4. Travers Harris

    Here is a little story that may answer many questions. My Then wife (no longer with us) and I were briefed by LRH to go on a mission to Africa and take over the FOLO and get stats moving again. At the same time there was a mission on the ship ordered by LRH to get rid of the PTSes. So a mission was appointed and they rounded up the PTSes and they were shipped off to their countries.

    A month later LRH wrote in the Flag OODS that “it appears that the SPs on the ship rounded up all the PTSes who were in actual fact PTS to those that got rid of them”

    I am not sure if he got rid of the SPs because we were in Africa.

    So we had our fair share of SPs on the Flag ship then, while LRH was on board, so do you think there are no SPs around now. Probably plenty.

  5. A month ago another decades long friend disconnected from me at the insistence of the Church of Scientology. No other reason than this.

    Today, I received mail from the Church of Scientology at an address where I do not receive mail and the only physical connection to me are the utility bills.

    This is a true report.

    • Dear Chris:
      Well, then it is good that we are out and playing fun games… 🙂

      • Yes. This is the right response.

        They exhibit true psychotic behavior. Flick-flick-flick come the various and opposite responses. Flick-flick-flick, Kick you out, refuse to let you out, delete you from the group, then crush sell you to make donations. Make your friends disconnect from you, then crush you with telephone calls and bulk mail. Hack personal information from any private source without regard to legality, sense of propriety, personal rights, good sense, or good will.

  6. A lot of adventure here! It is going to take some time to put all this back to right.

  7. 1. A minor needs parents to sign permission and even the cos has to abide by that, at least in America they do. If it was done in a sneaky manner, then it was never a legal signing and in fact there are laws against trickery of minors into any kind of engagement with any employment

    2. Once a minor reaches the age 18 then they are within their legal rights to make their own choices. Right or wrong, afraid or just indoctrinated, it doesn’t matter. That person has the responsibility to make decisions for themselves now and they will meet with the consequences, pleasant or not

    3. Why aren’t people with these type stories going legal? Not everyone signed the form saying they would never go legal, and actually not releasing anyone from SO until they sign such a form is called bribery and most likely kidnapping charges, with a host of other criminal offenses once the person breaks free.

    I am very compassionate towards all those who had terrible experiences, but for the life of me, I cannot understand why nobody ever went legal . Especially since not going legal was a mere Scientology trick to keep people remaining quiet about what goes on in there.

    Isn’t it way past the time to stop being a mere critic and setting up a legal fund for everyone who really wants to see this church held accountable, and be charged with the crimes it is guilty of?

    The petition circulating to the White House is asking one major group of hard core criminals to take the time out of their schedule to investigate another group of criminals that by the looks of , is actually being run by them themselves. So far I’ve heard of two guys who went the route to get the cos off their backs and they did it through legal channels and that took money. Am I to believe hundreds of us , with all the high emotions involved, are not willing to go to the pocketbook and get the same attorney Wollersheim or some others known not to be bribeable and are clean so the cos won’t be able to find something on them , and pursue criminal charges here?

    I am speaking in what I consider to be realistic terms here that would get the product wanted. Sympathy never got anyone anything worth having.

    • Hi Sharon:
      As far as I am concerned, those children were recruited under false pretense. They thought that they had join the SO, and would be working to “help Ron Clear the Planet”, however, they ended up doing slave work for a corporation named Church of Spiritual Technology, such corporation, like any other, it’s only goal is to make money and not to help others or ‘clear the Planet’

      The proof is that they have received millions of dollars in donations over the years by many people all over the world, yet we have not see A SINGLE charitable activities performed with such donations, neither we have received a statement of accounts at the end of each year since David Miscavige took power, we have not been duly informed what is being done with the money.

      I have seen some crazy “OTs” playing humanoid games with Marty and Mike and viceversa.

      In the meantime, they recruit minors under the parents duress and by force and they do not educate them and instead they put them in slave labor.

      I could go on and on and on…

  8. Hi, Aida, Lori and Olga – Thanks for telling your experiences with Scientology. There are a couple of typographical errors I spotted. In the sentence, “Upon arriving home, I found sexual liable about me on the internet.”, “liable” should be “libel”. And “Guilt” in “Screen Actor’s Guilt” should read “Guild”. Just sign me,

    Proofreader Warrior 🙂

  9. Hi, My name is Travers Harris. I joined Scn in 1964 and the Sea Org in 1968 and worked with LRH on the ship. I finally resigned in 1986 due to some wierd things that were happening at the FLB.

    I have written a lot about Scientology on the ex-scientology message board and people against the disconnection policy.

    This is my current think of Scn. During the early years at St Hill Scientology flourished and thousands flocked there from all over the world and it was called the golden years of Scn. Then LRH started the SO and changed the purpose to “Get Ethics In on the Planet”.

    In Cape Town Org where I first started and did my HPA I saw how ethics destroyed that org. Nobody liked or needed ethics. I watched terrified people being thrown overboard from the ship by LRH orders in Corfu, Greece which got us kicked out of greece.

    However I have written all that up before but what I would like to mention here is that LRH did not complete what he set out to do. He mentioned the 8th dynamic but never entered that arena because he did not have the information and could not write about it. This has left Scn incomplete and will ultimately cause its decline or lack of expansion.

    My friend who also worked with LRH and was the first captain of the SO ship lives close to me and has spent years writing his book which is now complete and is mind boggling, however it now needs to be published. His work is not a continuation of Scientology but is of spirituality in its own right.

    I have continued studying spirituality and there have been plenty of major discoveries by scientists and with the discovery of quantum physics, a new Science of spirituality was born in the 21st century. It is my belief that the 8th Dynamic has been discovered in science and the spiritual mission of Scn can continue without all the ethics and beaurocracy etc.

    We are looking looking at the possibility of starting something such as a group or whatever.

    For us we are leaving Scn behind and look tocreating something where respect and love for your fellow human is of the highest of human values.



  10. In mid-90s in Russia was a big free old books giveaway event in Moskow.

    At first they were trying to sell old books very cheap, then they were just giving them away.

    I got lots of books and was told they are for reading only,not for using. I was warned not to try to use any processes in them.

    In the OTL at that time was only two scientologists who spoke English well enough to translate,so many non-scns who could speak English well were taking a couple intro cources, like Ups and Downs, PVI just toget R-1 visa and be able to leave Russia for a few month while doing translations.

    That’s why translations were’t that great as they could have been if scientologists were doing them.

    I was the second Russian at Flag who joined SeaOrg, and I had a hard time studying in English, even though I was learning English for 5 years prior to coming to America.

    Many Americans was trying to help me by doing M-7; then more Russians joined the SeaOrg and I had to do lots of check out to them and translate
    their exams.

    At first, new Russians had a hard time in S.O untill somebody decided to stop all their training and hatting and just let them to learn English not by using LRH materials but by using some wogs’ English-Russian tapes aproved by RTC.

    • Hi Yuliya:

      Just like you have a story about the Russians and Olga about Greece; there also some horror stories about the Spanish Translation Unit as well.

      The translation Unit was always a mess and so many changes!

      Thanks for sharing my friend,


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